


Looking for redemption

by mad2thebone



Series: Looking for Redemption [1]
Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Depression, F/F, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-23
Updated: 2014-12-11
Packaged: 2018-02-26 18:48:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 9,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2662556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mad2thebone/pseuds/mad2thebone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After everything that happened the previous day, it was all she had left to do and she was looking forward to it.</p><p>Starts after episode 33, alternate ending, and eventually a happy one^^</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in german, I hope it survived the translation

The moment her feet slipped into the water she could feel the coldness. Her hands were shaking, but that wasn’t related to the temperature of the water. Slowly she waded away from the shore, her eyes directed to the dark sky. The stars shone bright above her. If this was the end, at least one of the last things she would have seen was her favorite view. Or second favorite.

Water flew around her body as she got deeper into the sea. Suddenly she saw Laura’s face, the disappointed expression of the last day on her face. She heard the words again. “We’re done.”

Her body tensed and more determined than on all her way out here she dived through the cold surface. In the darkness she couldn’t see far, even her vampiric night vision wasn’t helping much.

With forceful strokes she swam along the underground until it suddenly disappeared and revealed the endless depths of the sea. Complete silence and darkness surrounded her, the little light of the stars and the moon vanished as she moved further down.

The increasing pressure of the water against her body and the almost vertical cliff behind her, almost out of sight, were the only indications that she was still swimming in the right direction.

Slowly but surely it got harder to dive deeper. She felt the tons of water above her body, but a little struggling wasn’t something that could stop her now. After everything she did in all the centuries, she’s been to this earth, all the pain she caused and suffered, there was nothing left that could scare her. Not even an ancient weapon on the bottom of the sea. Not after the last days.

She would decease, if not on the attempt to get the Blade of Hastur then in the next days, while fighting the Light and its servants. After everything that happened the previous day, it was all she had left to do and she was looking forward to it.

Laura deserved better. Just as Ell had deserved better. And if she could save her by sacrificing herself, that’s what she would do. For her there was no hope left, not with all that opposed her. Redemption awaited her, redemption from a lifetime of pain and guilt.

 

She reached a narrow terrace on the cliff. She wasn’t sure if she was far enough under the sea level, and maybe she drifted away since she entered the water, but she began to search for signs of a cave. This could take some time. It didn’t matter. If this went well, the only time limit she had was Friday to get back to Silas campus.

Slowly she made her way along the rocks. Multiple times she thought she’d spotted something that looked like the entrance of a cave, but every time it was just the darkness and seaweed tricking her eyes. She had no idea how much time had passed since she first set foot into the water and she was most certainly to deep down, that the light of the morning could help her sense of time.

There was nothing here, she decided, swam to the edge of the underwater terrace and further down into the cold darkness.

Her body had adjusted the pressure in the time she was on one level, looking for the cave and as soon as she forged ahead in the depth, she felt the resistance of the water even more.

From the corner of her eye she saw a dark spot between the rocks she was diving along. She almost missed it, because the crevice was hidden behind various underwater plants. She questioned how anyone ever got down here to hide the blade in the first place. The passage was really narrow, she could barely swim in it, so she partly swam and partly pulled herself deeper into the cliff.

Somewhere in there was the smallest glimpse of light and she was glad that she had the eyes of a nocturnal predator for once.

Suddenly the walls on both sides of her opened and she was at the edge of a small cave. In the middle of it, on a natural pedestal, it laid. Unaffected by elements and time the blade glowed in a pale blue. It was barely longer than her forearm and unornamented.

The impulse to grab it crept over her and she needed all her self-composure to remember the words her mother said earlier. “It’s a blade meant to consume everyone who wields it. Why do you think the Cult of Hastur buried the wretched thing?”

She untightened the cloth that was wrapped around her arm. Even though she wasn’t sure what would happen, if she took the blade, she could at least try not to touch it with her bare hand. And if this failed, Laura would think she did what she told her to, to run and hide, so it wouldn’t change anything.

Slowly she moved closer and let the black cloth slip on the grip of the blade. She hesitated for a second and then closed her hand around the weapon.

 

She lifted the blade. The small thing felt heavier than she expected it to be, especially under water, but besides the weight, there was nothing.

Now even slower than before, she made her way back through the narrow crevice, headed towards the open sea. She reached the other side and started to swim upwards. Then it happened for the first time.

She felt the pressure of the water painfully on her body. The liquid around her seemed to thicken and darkened in front of her eyes. She tried to swim, but she didn’t seem to move. Her sense of orientation was lost. She lashed about. Panic gathered her. In despair she clung on to the blade in her hand. She couldn’t lose it. It was supposed to be her termination, but not here and not now. And not in vain.

 

As fast as it appeared it was gone. The water around her had its usual consistency and its normal color back. She could recognize the cliff at some distance. She saw the entrance of the cave and realized, that in her panic attack she moved in the completely wrong direction. Only a little further, and she would have been lost. It could have taken hours, even days, to find her way back.

Still unsure of what exactly had happened she started again to swim up towards the surface. She hurried, the hope in mind that maybe soon the light of the day could guide her way up. She passed the terrace where she first looked for the cave and saw something moving next to her. She turned and looked closer. She stared at a familiar face.

“You killed me, monster.” Panic took her over again. This couldn’t be true. She heard the voice in her head, even though the figure in front of her didn’t move her mouth. “You never could have loved me. And I never loved you.” She couldn’t move, she felt herself sinking into the depths again. “I would have been better off, if I had never met you, and so is your little girlfriend.”

The truth in that last sentence made her come back to her senses. For a moment she stared at the spot, where seconds ago the spirit of her past had been, but she saw only Seaweed. The vision, or whatever it was, was gone, she was all by herself and she started moving again.

When this was over, she could never ever hurt anybody again. No one could ever say, they would have been better off without her. That thought gave her strength.

 

As her head broke the surface of the water, she realized it was still night, or maybe night again. With the last stokes she reached the shore, and she saw that she was not that far away from where she first entered the sea. Soon she found the place, where she had hidden part of her clothes and her boots. She let the blade slip out of her fingers into the sand and slumped down on a nearby rock.

She let her eyes travel over the sea and up to the sky. She made it. She survived the first difficult part. She was back at the shore. She had the blade. And a quick glance at her phone told her, that it was still the same night. So there was still time.


	2. Chapter 2

She put on her trousers and boots, slipped her leather jacket over her shoulders and turned to the blade, that laid still in the sand, where she had dropped it. Again she had to resist the impulse to grab it. She folded it in the cloth and put it in her bag.

Carefully she started to climb the cliff. To get here took her more than five hours, but she had to seek the correct place. She hoped, she could make her way back to the campus faster, but nonetheless it would be morning already.

Maybe mother would be asleep. That’d make things easier.

 

When she reached the upper end, she changed to vampire speed. Meadows and woods rushed by. She mostly avoided cities and villages. People couldn’t handle seeing someone passing by in superhuman speed.

She thought about Laura, and what she might have done since she left that dorm room. Hopefully nothing too visible and stupidly brave. Mother made a deal, but she knew, the second Laura crossed boundaries that was invalid.

In that moment the world around her changed. The trees she was passing by came closer. Everything began to spin. She hadn’t noticed that her legs had stopped moving. She couldn’t see her hand in front of her face. Endless darkness surrounded her.

“Your parents are going to send you away.” Paralyzed she recognized the scene and the voice that reverberated in her head. “They don’t love you. But I will always be there, my glittering diamond.” Physical pain flashed through her body, starting from her neck. She fell on her knees and pressed her hand against the hurting spot.

A thought came to her mind. This was how it all had started. Today was how it would end. Once and for all.

 

The trees were back. She felt the clammy and cold forest soil under her knees. Her ears captured fast, unsteady breathing sounds. She looked around, uneasy, until she noticed they were her own. Old habits never die, she thought.

Slowly she came back on her feet, reminding herself to think about her mission. It seemed to help. And it did.

For the following hours she concentrated on the thought of pitching herself and the sword into the Light . But the closer she got to the campus, the more she had to force herself. Increasingly she caught herself thinking about Laura and her annoying redheads, about things she did in the last years since she attended Silas and most of all about the last few weeks with her new roommate, that had changed her so much.

With each of those thoughts she felt the surrounding despair and each time it was harder to switch back to the destination of her journey. Far in the east she saw the sunrise and the pale light of the morning brightened the setting.

The exhaustion of hours of mental stress became more apparent. She couldn’t even think of vampire speed any more, she had troubles staying on her feet. Everything felt delirious. The world blurred.

Vaguely she could tell, that she still walked in the right direction as she passed the gate of the Campus that suddenly towered next to her. Just a little further. The administrative building, where the Dean had her office and her apartment was close. The first target. The harder one.

Indefinite she saw a familiar face not far away on her way when another wave of despair overcame her . “You didn’t even try.” The sound of the voice in her head made her grieve. “Go away, Carmilla. Go run and hide. We’re done.” And everything turned black.

# 


	3. Chapter 3

Her head was lifted and carefully discarded at a soft spot. Someone gently stroke her hair.

“Stupid vampire”, she heard that voice mumble she would always recognize. “What did you do?”

“Need to go… the Dean… finish it.” Carmilla’s voice cracked before she faded out again.

 

When she regained consciousness she still laid on the ground. She looked up and saw brown eyes staring at her.

“Laura.”

She saw her bag on the ground, a few inches away. Laura must have taken it off her shoulders. She sat up. The exhaustion was still noticeable in every bit of her body.

“I need to go. I need to finish this,” she said and tried to get up and failed.

Laura’s arms held her down. “You’re not going anywhere. You collapsed twice in the last 10 minutes. Whatever your plan is, the Dean is going to kill you, or lock you up. The fact that I can stop you doesn’t really aspects in your favor. And besides, what exactly are you planning to do, anyways?”

“Take her down,” was all Carmilla answered.

“Not in your condition.” Laura was persistent.

She wanted to argue, but the words didn’t came out. She tried to get up once again, but her legs trembled and she almost fell back to the ground. An arm wrapped around her waist and helped her stay on her feet.

“You’re coming with me, no discussion.”

She saw Laura reach for the bag and instinctual she slapped her hand away. “Sorry,” Carmilla said contritely, as she saw the confused glance at Laura’s face. “I give up, I’ll come with you. But don’t touch it. I take it.”

Still confused, Laura held her up and supported her unsteady body. “You need to rest, that’s obvious,” she said and started slowly to walk towards the dorms rooms. “I thought you were gone. Like I told you to.” Laura’s voice almost fainted at that last sentence.

“And I will be. After I finished all of this.” This was just a short interruption, Carmilla told herself. Maybe resting wasn’t the worst idea after all, at least it would increase her chances.

Suddenly Laura was in front of her, still holding her up with both of her hands. “Don’t you dare.” She lifted her head to look in the smaller girl’s face and saw her stare angry at her. “I wanted you not to sacrifice people instead of me. That includes you, Carmilla! So whatever your stupid plan is, you better forget about it, now.”

Laura pulled her into a hug, and she clinged on to her. “Stupid vampire,” she heard her mutter again.

“But there is no other way,” Carmilla said quietly. “I realized, I will never be free as long as my mother is around. So I’ll take her down, so that at least you can be.”

“I told you, that is not an option.” Laura pulled away, facing her. “Now you’ll get to rest, and then we’ll think of something. We’re going to… you know... modify your plan. Whatever it is, you are not going to do this alone. And there is no way, it can include dying from the very beginning.”

She sounded so convinced, Carmilla thought. Maybe Laura was naïve. Maybe this would lead to nothing. But somehow or other, she could still go back doing what she had planned . She couldn’t help but share a little of that hope, the human next to her radiated.

“This doesn’t mean I forgive you,” Laura clarified. “But I might.” A little smile flashed Carmilla’s face.

Slowly they made their way to the dorm rooms. Carmilla struggled with every step. They climbed the stairs to their floor. She could barely see the ground. She felt Laura’s warm body close, guiding her up. They reached the floor and she knew, it wasn’t far. They almost made it, when the now already familiar wave swept over her.

Darkness was everywhere. “There is no way this will ever work out.” This time it was her own voice. “You’ll disappoint her. How couldn’t you? That’s what you do. She is far too good for you. You don’t deserve her. End it. Now!”

“Carm?” She heard another voice from far away. “Carm, what’s wrong? Please, wake up.” A hand brushed the hair out of her face and stroke calmingly over her shoulders. She was on the ground once again. Laura leaned over her. “Hey, you’re ok?” she asked.

Carmilla nodded slowly, not able to speak. Her hands were still shaking.

“What is doing that to you? What is in there?” Laura pointed at the bag, that still hung over Carmilla’s shoulder.

“The blade.” She answered quietly. “The blade of Hastur.”


	4. Chapter 4

“You got it!” The joyful expression on Laura’s face was immediately replaced by a worried one. “But what the Dean said… I saw it in the video… How did you even get it here?”

Carmilla felt awfully tired. “Can we continue that conversation in there?” She pointed at the door of room 307. “So at least I can sit more comfortable?”

“Sure,” Laura answered, “but Perry and LaFontaine are still in there.”

“Guess, I don’t mind,” Carmilla replied, as she reached for Laura’s hands to get on her feet again. They made their way across the corridor and Laura pressed the door handle down. As soon as the door swung open, a voice resounds from inside.

“Oh good, you’re back. I think LaFontaine is really hungry, she… they need to eat. And I wouldn’t be opposed to this idea either. You were fast, I didn’t expected you this soon. Did you…” Her flood of words burst off when she saw Carmilla. “I thought we were pretty clear, bloodsucker!” She grabbed the stake she had carved earlier and that laid still next to her within reach.

Laura positioned herself partly in front of the vampire, without loosing her hold on Carmilla. “Don’t stake her, Perry. It’s ok. And she couldn’t do anything right now, even if she wanted to.”

“What happened to her?” Perry asked, as she took a closer look.

“She was about to tell.” Laura said while leading Carmilla carefully through the room and to her bed. She sat her down against the head piece, so she wouldn’t fall to the ground again. Carmilla remained silent.

Laura waited a moment, until she had settled entirely until she asked again. “How did you manage to get the blade?” She glared over to the bag, Carmilla had dropped off next to the bed.

“The blade?” Perry interrupted before she could even think of answering. “Like in ‘the blade of Hastur, that consumes the one who wields it’?” Laura turned to Perry, but she cut her off. “Don’t think I haven’t noticed how you watched that video over and over again, Laura.”

That actually surprised Carmilla. She thought, Laura had made up her mind about what happened and stuck with it. Watching the video multiple times sounded like she was looking for something to change her mind.

She saw Laura blush. “I thought you were asleep,” she murmured. “But back to the blade. Your turn.” She pointed at Carmilla. “After everything the Dean said, I didn’t think it was possible to get and use it. Why would you even try, after you heard that?”

Carmilla thought about it for a second, before she answered quietly. “I had to. I didn’t know what to do after you said… you know what you said. I told you, I didn’t feel like losing another person I…” she hesitated for a second. “…I care about to my mother and her ancient-evil-friend.” She stared at her lap. “You were right about me. I was a coward for centuries and I’ve done so many terrible things. But I can fix this whole thing, I can rectify it. And some people deserve that I do. I didn’t knew what the blade would do to me, or even if I had the slightest chance to gain it, but at least I had to try. And I guess, I somehow made it.”

Her eyes still lowered, she could only feel the mattress move as Laura sat next to her and the uncertain touch as she set her hand on Carmilla’s.

“What exactly does it? I’ve seen you collapse three times, and depending on how your trousers look, I suppose that happened some other times before I found you.” The last sentence was more of a question.

Carmilla looked at her clothes and noticed for the first time, that there was dirt and parts of leaves on her knees. It must have been remained from that breakdown in the forest.

“Oh that. You’re right, you saw the fourth time.” She could hear Laura gasp at that number. “It started when I took the blade. It gets in my head. I don’t know how, but it does. Thinking of what I was going to do helped, kind of.” She paused for a moment to dispose her words. “I never thought I could make it out of all this alive until you found me. I think the blade liked that. I think it tried to make me kill myself.”

Suddenly Laura’s arms were around her neck, hugging her tightly. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for all I’ve said.” From the sound of her voice Carmilla hears, that she was almost crying. “I made you do this. Risking your life. Don’t ever call yourself a coward again. I can’t believe you did this. And I’m glad you’re back.” Laura let go of her and looked deep in her eyes, her face only inches away.

“It’s ok, I hurt you. I’m here, nothing major happened and all we have to do is take down the ancient evil and my mother.” She chuckled. “And her minions. No problem at all.”

“How can you even joke about that by now?” Laura said, but then she moved closer and their lips touched. It was soft and gentle and outright her body relaxed. All of the negative feelings that possessed her in the last hours seem to disappear. When they parted Carmilla smiled.


	5. Chapter 5

“Finally!”

She had totally forgotten, that they weren’t alone in the room and according to the blush that appeared on her face, Laura had, too. Three heads turned to Laura’s bed. It wasn’t Perry who had spoken. She just said there, her eyes teary. The voice belonged to LaFontaine and none of them had even known that they were awake.

Their hands were still tied to their back, so instead of giving a thumbs up, which was the reaction Carmilla would have expected, they just winked at Laura.

“Well, that’s right, it was about time,” Perry declared completely serious. “But we have another problem on our hands. I don’t think we can use the blade anymore. What if they come to get LaFontine for good?”

“Shit.” Carmilla realized that she was right. “It would be a lot more complicated to focus on sacrificing myself, if I don’t actually intend to do that. So much for my plans.”

They all looked at each other, unsure what to say until Laura broke the silence. “Maybe it wasn’t for nothing. I might have an idea, but I need you well rested for that.” She looked at Carmilla.“And now I’m going to get some food, because we’re all hungry and I was kind of interrupted earlier.”

“What exactly…?” Carmilla started, but Laura cut her off.

“Later.” She turned to Perry. “And we won’t let them take LaFontaine, with blade or without it.” She grabbed her coat and quickly got out of the room.

For a moment Carmilla stared at the closed door. Then she grabbed the yellow pillow and curled around it. “Not that I could do anything about it.” She muttered, before she closed her eyes and almost immediately fell asleep.

 

When she woke up the room smelled of asian food. She sat up and saw the two of them sit next to a still tied up LaFontaine, white take away boxes between them.

Apparently, Perry tried to make LaFontaine eat, but all they did was rambling about the big party. “Come on sweetie, you need to eat or you won’t be able to dance later.” Perry seemed desperate.

“Hey, you didn’t sleep long.” Laura had noticed she was awake. “You’re all right? Want some Chinese? There’s enough for all of us, you won’t even have to steal mine.” She smirked.

“Sure,” Carmilla replied. “But I’ll take something more substancial first, I’m really hungry.” She pointed to the fridge.

Laura was on her feet before she could even think of getting up. “Stay put, I’ll get you some.” She filled a glass with blood and brought it over. “You’re feeling better?” she asked, as she handed her the drink. Carmilla could tell she was still worried.

She drank half of the blood until she answered. “Still tired, but yes, better.”

On the other side of the room Perry was still occupied with forcing food into LaFontaine’s mouth. Laura took one of the boxes and sat on Carmilla’s bed.

“It’s only noon, you can go back to sleep if you want to. I guess we have time until at least nightfall.” She offered her a fork and pushed the food in her direction.

Carmilla took it and started to eat. She still couldn’t really believe how naturally the human handled it, that she drank blood in front of her and even shared her food while she did so.

Low munching-noises appeared. Obviously LaFontaine had discovered the pleasures of asian takeout and Perry seemed pretty content with herself while scooping noodles in their mouth. Apart from that, they ate in silence.

After they were finished, Laura got up to throw away the empty box. “I’ll let you sleep,” she said, vaguely pointing at her own bed.

“Would you…?” Carmilla couldn’t finish the question, but Laura’s eyes lightened up a bit, as she made her way back and sat next to her.

Carmilla leaned against her shoulder and felt her arm wrapped around her before she fell back to sleep.


	6. Chapter 6

When she awoke hours later, she discovered that Laura also fell asleep some time earlier but still had her arms around her. She peered over to the other bed and saw the two redheads also taking a nap. Perry had curled protective around LaFontaine, who had apparently anxious dreams. Every once in a while they mumbled some unclear words.

Carmilla looked at Laura. Not in a million years she would have expected what had happened in the last few hours. She didn’t want to imagine what would have happened if Laura hadn’t found her. Probably she would have been buried again by now, or maybe even ultimately dead.

Instead she was here. She was still terrified by her mother, but Laura was right, fighting was the better option in contrary to just surrender. She only hoped, that the big plan, whatever it was she thought of, would work out.

She stretched a bit and Laura opened her eyes, still sleepy. “I’m sorry, I didn’t want to wake you up,” Carmilla said. “Looks like you needed the rest as much as I did.”

“I didn’t sleep that much last night, so yes, I guess I did,” Laura replied.

“Because you were busy watching videos?” she couldn’t deny herself that little teasing.

“Partly.”

Carmilla realized she laid still in Laura’s arms and nuzzled against her chest.

“I’m so glad you’re back,” she heard her whisper and quietly answered “I am too, cupcake, I am too.”

 

They stayed like that for a little while until Carmilla moved again and faced Laura.

“As much as I enjoy all this, there are some things we should take care of, don’t you think? You could start with telling me, now that I’m well rested as you demanded, how I am supposed to use the blade without losing my mind.” She couldn’t help but smirk a little.

Laura looked a little uneasy. “I think we should test it first, of course. And I’m not sure if you’re going to like my theory. And it’s risky, I know…”

“Spit it out.” Carmilla cut off her rambling, even though she found it entirely too cute. “I can’t say no until I know what you are talking about.”

“Ok then, hope!” Laura said plainly.

“What do you mean ‘hope’?”

“When you talked about your journey with the blade, you said you couldn’t think of a way to survive this. So there was no hope at all. But you do now, right? You said, thinking about not surviving kept the blade from getting in your thoughts. It was all about despair. But what if hope works, too? It’s the opposite after all. What if you stay focused on the good things and about how we all make it out alive and I’ll help you? I mean, technically you’re not alive, but… anyway, hope is the opposite of despair and it will be effective against it, won’t it? It just has to be stronger.”

All those words had just sputtered out of Laura’s mouth at an immense rate, and the last sentences sounded almost like questions, as if she had to convince herself.

“Whoa, cupcake, breathe!” She thought a moment, before she answered “I can’t believe I agree to try a plan, that is based on a ‘hope-beats-despair-cliché’ theory, straight out of a Hollywood movie.”

Laura looked at her in disbelieve. “You do? I thought I would have to do a lot of persuading.”

“It’s not like we have that many options, right? It may be worth a try.” Carmilla shrugged.

“I thought, we could try it here. You know, to see if it suffices.”

“Might be useful. Blacking out in front of my mother while trying to kill her isn’t the most pleasurable thing I can imagine.”

“Obviously, you two are already discussing the subject. So what is the plan for tonight?” The voice came from across the room. Perry sat up and because of her motions LaFontaine woke up, too. “Big party tonight, need to go,” they declared.

“Well then, let’s give it a try, shall we?” Laura prompted with a gesture.

“Sure,” Carmilla sighed and got up. “God, I really hope this works out how you intend it to.”

“What do you have to do?” Perry asked.

“Nothing.” Laura answered for her. “It’ll just work out, because the circumstances are different.” She sounded just a little bit too positive.

“Let’s see if you’re right.” Carmilla said and reached for the bag on the floor. “It took some minutes the first time, so this may take a while, if we want to be sure. I’ll try touching it directly this time, maybe this will speed things up.”

She grabbed the cold, hard grip of the blade and held it in front of her. At first, nothing happened. She took a glance at Laura, who sat behind her on the bed and looked equally expectant and worried. It seemed that, in spite of trying to be convincing, she still had her doubts.

For minutes, they all stared at the blade in silence. On one side, Carmilla was glad, this went well, but on the other side she couldn’t be sure that the effects would just appear later, and in a much less convenient situation, so she didn’t want to stop this test.

Fifteen minutes went by in uncertainty before she felt it. The familiar cold wave of despair radiated from the blade. Slowly it made its way through her body, but she could still perceive the room around her. She saw how her hand started shaking and slowly but surely the room got darker. She heard someone talk, but she couldn’t understand it.

Then she felt the firm grip of Laura’s hand on hers. She felt the warmth and how it slowly dispersed the coldness. She wouldn’t fight this battle alone, she thought, and suddenly it was all gone.

Carmilla stood in the room, totally shaken. She dropped the sword and looked at the others. Laura still held her hand. “You did it,” she exclaimed with relief and jumped up to pull her into a hug. “I works. I wasn’t sure… Are you ok?”

“I’m fine,” Carmilla answered.”But I’m not gonna lie, this’ll take a lot.”

“At least we have a weapon, don’t we?” Perry said with enthusiasm. “Let’s hope, that it is as powerful as it’s supposed to be.”

LaFontaine had watched the whole scenario and seemed kind of fascinated. There were not even any ‘party’- mublings this whole time, but now they burst out “Wow, she must really love you, Hollis.” Until they fell back and stared at the ceiling.

Laura blushed, but Carmilla had a smirk on her face.


	7. Chapter 7

The later it got, the twitchier LaFontaine became. They decided it was time to go. Laura grabbed Perry’s stake, more determined than ever, when Perry aksed “What do we do? Me and LaFontaine I mean. We can’t just stay here and wait for vampires trying to get her… them…”

“Maybe you should come with us.” Laura said, it was almost a question.

“I made some more.” Perry pointed at the stake in Laura’s hand and emerged three more from under the bed. She shrugged. “I had to do something while you were asleep.”

“You have to look out for them, you know that, don’t you?” Carmilla said to Perry.

“I will.” Perry declared. “If we move, we’ll be harder to find. And at least I don’t have to wait for someone to come through that door.” She sounded relieved.

“OK, then let’s go. I wanted to find the Dean first. If we’re lucky, we’ll get to confront her alone in her office, before she starts the ritual.” Carmilla grabbed a pair of leather gloves from under her bed and put them on and slipped the bag with the blade above her shoulder. “This way I don’t have to worry about the skin contact, might help or maybe not at all, but it doesn’t hurt either.” She answered Laura’ unspoken question.

“Why do you even have gloves?” That one was spoken. “You don’t freeze, do you?”

Carmilla shrugged. “They look cool. And besides, humans think you’re weird if you walk in the snow without gloves and a scarf. Even if you wear a t-shirt to that, they’re somehow pleased. Sometimes a vampire needs camouflage.”

Laura laughed at that. “OK, let’s go!”

 

They arrived at the administrative building and made their way up the stairs to the Dean’s office. Before they reached the right floor Laura flashed Perry a meaningful glance and she took LaFontaine aside. “Come on sweetie, let’s give them a second.”

Laura climbed the next few steps, then she stopped and looked at Carmilla. “I know, she’s your mother after all,” she started. “Are you sure you can do this?”

“I’ve been with her for more than 300 years, but it needed the last days for me to realize, that she never really cared about me. She just used me, for her benefits. What mattered to me was never of any importance, not with Ell, and not now.” Carmilla stared to the ground.

“I know, but she is a huge part of your life, after all.” Laura said softly.

“She is. Or she was. Maybe it’s time to be a little selfish after all” she replied.

“I’ll be with you, all the way. And I’ll be here after this whole brain-sucking ancient evil situation is over, ok? Just hold on to that.” Laura grabbed her jacket and pulled her closer. “I care about you and you have to remember that.” She kissed her, much different than the first time. Still soft and gentle, but with much more unspoken desire. “We haven’t even been on a real date yet.”

“Technically we have.” Carmilla laughed.

Laura raised an eyebrow. “Oh you mean that evening, when I tried to capture you and was afraid you were going to drink my blood? I don’t think that counts.”

“Maybe not. So I promise, we will go on a date.”

“Good, that’s what I wanted to hear,” Laura said contentedly.

“I think we should…”Carmilla nodded in the direction of the corridor. “I hope she’s still there.”

They walked along the hallway and she could see Laura gripping the stake a little bit tighter. The two others followed them.

As they came closer to the office, Carmilla could hear voices from the inside. “…there is still one missing. She should have been down in the basement a long time ago, but I suppose those inconvenient humans Mircalla is so attached to, somehow prevented her from joining us. You and William should be able…” the Deans voice paused for a second, before her tone changed. She sounded pleased as she continued. “Or maybe you don’t have to. It seems like we have visitors. Come on in Mircalla, darling, and bring your little friends with you.”

That last sentence resounded loudly through the closed door. She could hear Laura and Perry both holding their breaths when they heard it. She looked at Laura. She looked anxious, but nodded insistent at her. Then she pressed the door latch and and opened the door.


	8. Chapter 8

The Dean was behind her desk. Across from her stood a vampire Carmilla knew briefly. He was turned sometime when she spent her days in her coffin and in the last decades he only appeared every 20 years for the ritual she had never participated. She assumed that he was doing some business for her mother in the time between. She never bothered to learn his name.

“Hello mother,” she greeted the Dean.

“Oh hello, darling,” the old vampire replied, a content smile on her lips. “So you have finally accepted your part in this world and you deliver the last sacrifice? Or maybe,” her eyes flickered to Laura. “Maybe your little pet there is starting to bore you? And you want me to withdraw that little deal we made? We can still take her if you want.”

Carmilla could feel Laura tense behind her. “I think you misinterpret this whole situation, mother.” She put as much disgust in that last word as she was able to. She grabbed the grip of the blade that was still hidden behind the cloth of the bag. “You’ll get none of them.”

The Dean started to laugh and suddenly the blade in her hand became heavier. “You want to fight me? And you think you’ll stand a chance? You and those mortals? That is hilarious.

What has she done to spin your head that much? You were always a lovesick teenager, unable to think clearly and unable to see the big picture, but this is ridiculous, even for you.”

Carmilla felt the cold creeping up her arm, but she was too angry to care.

“Go get the small one,” the Dean said unsympathetic to her subordinate. “That’ll shut her up.”

With the blink of an eye he crossed the room, even Carmilla was surprised at the speed. The only thing she managed was to throw herself against him when he had almost passed her and he crashed against the wall. She jumped back on her feet and went after him, but somehow Laura got there first, stake to his heart, before he had the chance to gather himself.

Blood started to flow from the wound around the stake and a surprised glance appeared on his face before he collapsed on the floor. His skin turned grey in seconds.

“Why is everybody so useless?” The Dean asked herself when they all turned back to her. “Not that this would change anything. “You are no match for me, and you know that,” she told Carmilla. Then her eyes caught the blade in her hand. It had slipped out when she tried to block the vampire and now she held it in front of her.

The Dean’s eyes widened, when she spoke again her voice was even more threatening. “You are even less smart than I thought. I told you what it does. You were never the heroic kind, you know that. This time won’t be different. You won’t survive if you use that blade. Throw it away and save yourself.”

The coldness in her right arm made its way slowly up towards her chest and she needed all her effort to fight it back. “You wouldn’t believe what a few positive thoughts do to you. As you see, I’m doing just fine,” she said and jumped across the table and stopped the blade on the verge of the Dean’s chest.

“You can’t do it,” the Dean hissed. “You are nothing without me. I made you. I raised you. I gave your life a purpose.”

“You’re wrong. I am nothing with you. I realized that. And I’m better off without you.” Carmilla moved the blade, ready to stab, but in the same moment the Dean grabbed her hand and threw it aside. She avoided the strike and the blade missed its target. Instead of hitting the old vampire’s chest it only cut her wrist.

Carmilla cursed and went after her. She tried to throng her against a wall to get another shot to hit her. They both moved around the room, but the Dean was fast. Finally she had her in a corner. She swung the blade but in a final attempt to get away, the Dean pushed her aside and made her way to the door. As she passed her Carmilla felt the resistance at the end of the blade, before she got knocked over.

She looked up. The Dean was gone. Laura, Perry and LaFontaine stood next to the door, all of them a little bit flabbergasted, because the Dean had just rushed along them.

Carmilla wanted to follow her immediately, but then she finally noticed the fatigue, that the fighting and the constant necessity to struggle with the blade’s impact on her had caused. She sank to the floor, dropped the blade and covered her face in her hands.

Laura appeared, holding her tight and lending her her shoulder to lean on. She took a deep breath, thankful for the closeness. After some minutes Carmilla was able to speak again. “That didn’t went the way I wanted it to. I shouldn’t have wasted time listening to her. I should have stabbed her, when I had the chance. What the hell was I thinking?”

“Are you kidding me? You did awesome.” Laura said. “Especially with all her psycho mind games. And besides, you did stab her. Just look around.”

Carmilla lifted her head. On the floor was a wide trail of blood leading to the door and out in the corridor.

“You hit her waist.” Laura explained.

“It’ll heal, she’s a vampire.” She didn’t shared the enthusiasm.

“I doubt it. It was the blade after all. Ancient weapon that was hidden for hundreds or maybe even thousands of years has to have some qualities a normal kichen knife hasn’t, right?” Laura smiled at her optimistically.

“How can you be like that all the time?” Carmilla shook her head in disbelief even if it made her feel better.

“Like what?”

“I mean the wishful thinking and the reckless optimism.” Carmilla specified.

“Oh that,” Laura smirked and bit her lip. “Someone has to.”


	9. Chapter 9

“We have to go,” Carmilla said and got up. “I don’t know how much time we have until the ritual starts.” She stashed the blade. Laura looked worried, but nodded in agreement.

They followed the trail of blood along the corridor and down the stairs. Two floors down it faded and when they reached the entrance there was no visible sign left of the way the Dean had taken.

“I guess we have to search basements.” Carmilla sighed, but Perry had apparently another idea. She stood in front of LaFontaine, her hands on their shoulders.

“Honey, can you show me where the party is?” She asked. “I want to dance with you. Can you find it?”

“Yeah, big party… Can we go?” they slurred.

“Sure, sweetie, just show me, where it is.” LaFontaine started walking and Perry helped them not to fall once in a while. Carmilla and Laura close on their heels.

“They’re like a human navigation device,” Carmilla joked, after LaFontaine had turned the third time unflinchingly. They arrived at the Lustig building and they made their way straight through the entrance and into the dark building. The followed LaFontaine down the staris and into the basement, before Perry tried to slow them down.

Carmilla took the lead again when the ground beneath them suddenly trembled as if there was an earthquake. They waited until it stopped and headed to the light that came through one of the doors further back.

She could hear people moving and talking, but there was a sizzeling sound that made it impossible to understand anything. She opened the door and the voices became clearer and then she heard the cold voice of the Dean. ”Watch out friends, the traitor has arrived.”

 

She scanned the huge vaulted cellar. The Dean was on the floor on the right, leaned against a wall. She didn’t look good. The stomach wound had stopped bleeding, but she was covered in blood and her skin was almost grey. She started to cough and red liquid spilled over her hands.

In the centre of the room over a dark pit hovered the light, pulsating luminous. As soon as they saw it, LaFontaine started to walk towards it, and it took all of Perry’s strength to hold them back.

Two vampires walked across the room towards them. One of them was Will, the other was a tall female with long dark red hair.

Carmilla looked at her companions. Laura stood beside her, with Perry close behind them, her body protectively put in front of LaFontaine.

Both vampires moved towards Carmilla from two different directions. She wanted to pull out the blade when they simultaneously attacked. She throw her arms up to block the female vampire who had directly reached for her throat.

She could hear Will gasp in pain and was glad that Laura’s Krav Maga seemed to work a second time. A loud rumble shook the building and the next attack of her opponent missed. Carmilla took the opportunity to get behind her and turned her arm on her back while she crushed the vampire’s neck with her forearm.She still fought back and Carmilla had troubles holding her like that.

She lifted her head and saw Will standing between Laura and Perry. He aimed at Laura’s neck, but he hestitated a little too long, and Perry drove her stake through his back into his heart. Laura jumped back in surprise, when Will’s body fell to her feet. Then she saw Carmilla struggeling with the taller vampire.

Laura ran to them, and staked the vampire, that Carmilla still held captured. Relieved she let go of the body when the resistance broke, and the second of the Dean’s minions fell lifeless to the ground.

Carmilla was exhausted, but she grabbed the blade and made a few steps towards the Dean, who still sat on the wall. There were more things to do. Her feet trembled. Coldness spread in her body. She came closer to the woman she had called mother for the last centuries.

Then suddenly the omnipresent noise changed that originated from the light and the glow got stronger. Carmilla heard voices from inside, but it were too many and they all spoke at once. She understood “It’s time.” and “We get some more company.” Then the voices died down in tense expectation and the only noise left was the increasing sizzling.

 

The seconds passed until a familiar voice said “There’s something different this time. Something is happening out there.”

“Ell?” Carmilla shouted. “Ell can you hear me?”

“Can you understand anything?” Laura asked from behind. “Is she there?”

“Yes, I do.” She sounded far away.

“And that is exactly the reason why you are so weak. A hundred and some years and you’re still not over her,” the Dean scoffed.

Carmilla made some steps towards the light, but the light faded, more and more, until she was surrounded by darkness. There was a wall in front of her, she could feel the cold stones when she ran into it.

“You will regret this,” she heard the Dean’s voice, not sure if it was real or only in her head. “In some years you will be alone and miserable. And you’ll wish that you hadn’t killed your true family instead of some replaceable humans. You’ll wish me back, because I’m the only person who ever stuck with you.”

The voice changed and this time it was her own. ”60 maybe 70 years. If she can bear you that long. Then you’ll be left behind and you’ll have an eternity to grieve. And all that is left are memories to consume you from inside.”

“Carm?” That was not inside her head. She could feel the stones in front of her move away. But there was the Dean again.

“You don’t have any chance of a future with her. You are no human, therefore no human could ever be happy with you. What you wish for is never going to happen.”

“Hey, Carm, can you hear me? Please wake up.”

“Help us.” That was Ell.

Slowly her senses went back to normal. She crack opened her eyes and looked at Laura who held her in her arms. She moved her hands and felt the floor below her. What she had thought was a wall was actually the ground she laid on.

Laura exhaled in relief when the vampire blinked. “I’m here,” she said. “And I won’t go anywhere. There’s a whole eternity for us. But there is still this light thing.”

“What about my mo… the Dean?” Carmilla asked.

“She’s dead I think. The last thing she said was ‘You will regret this’ and then she passed out.”

Carmilla sat up and and Laura asked. “Are you ok?”

She didn’t answer. Instead she looked at the lifeless body of the old vampire. And she wasn’t sorry.

“There is only one one way to escape for us” Ell’s voice said. “You can’t save us. Release us.”

“I don’t know if this works.” Carmilla got up on her feet, supported by Laura and hobbled towards the pit. With her last ounce of strength she threw the blade into the center of the light. The blade flew and vanished in a short flash. The light brightened for a moment.

“It’s in here. Thank you, dear.” Ell said. “My fellow inmates, it was a pleasure meeting you. I guess this is the end. I died a long time ago, this is redemption.”

Many voices started talking, so Carmilla couldn’t follow all of them, but she heard “Goodbye” over and over again. She noticed, that Laura was frightened by the sudden increase of the volume which was everything she could hear. “It’s ok,” she said to the smaller girl who still held her on her feet. “They take care of it.”

“The people in there? So they’re really conscious?” Laura asked, and Carmilla nodded.

She heard a short scream and after it faded, the light turned a shade darker. Slowly the voices became less and the light diminished until it was hardly visible. Then they heard a last liberating sigh and the light was gone.


	10. Chapter 10

“What did just happen? Where the hell are we and how did we get here?” LaFontaine stood near the door where Perry had held them in place the whole time, and looked totally confused.

“Oh, thank god you’re back. And you’re normal, or as normal as you can be.” Perry throw herself at them and pulled them in a tight hug. “I missed you, weirdo.”

“The last days are kind of blurry, but I remember being tied up for a long time… is there anything you need to tell me, Perry?”

Carmilla and Laura made their way to the others, when Perry blushed, and started to ramble about “it was all for your own good” in various different versions.

Laura still helped Carmilla to walk. Her legs felt like they could collapse every second, but it got better since the moment she had thrown the blade. LaFontaine had noticed them. “Don’t you look like crap,” she told Carmilla. “What happened to you?”

“You can thank me later for saving your ass,” she replied with a smirk, before LaFontaine hugged both her and Laura at once.

“I suppose you need to bring me up to speed later, but that corpse over there looks a lot like the the Dean, so whatever you’ve done, it looks like it worked.” They pointed at the now truly dead vampire. “But can we get to a cozier place? I mean, not that I don’t appreciate all the dead bad guys, but…”

“First, we need to find Betty, Kirsch and the others. They have to be somewhere here.” Laura interjected.

“You guys stay here, we’ll look for them.” LaFontaine said, pointing at them and Perry.

“That’s something I’d appreciate,” Carmilla mumbled and sat on the floor. Laura sat next to her and she laid down, placing her head on her lap. They stayed like that for some minutes in silence, until Laura said: “Thanks, by the way, for everything.”

“As if I had a choice.” Carmilla smiled. “But I couldn’t have done anything without you, cupcake. You were right, about the hope-thing. It worked, at least to a certain point. I wouldn’t have stand the slightest chance against the Dean, if I had confronted her this morning, like I wanted to. You saved me.”

“That was no big deal. You looked terrible, everyone would have realized, that you were at the end of your tether.” Laura leaned down and kissed her forehead, before her eyes flickered to the door.

“You can help them if you want, I know you want to see if they are all right,” Carmilla told her. “I’m fine here. You can pick me up later.”

“No, Perry and LaF will find them. I’m right where I belong. With my heroic vampire.” Laura ran her fingers through Carmilla’s hair.

“That was cheesy,” the vampire laughed. “And I think you were quite heroic yourself, creampuff. Staking two vampires isn’t that easy.”

“After you prepared them for me,” Laura chuckled. “But I told you we can do it.”

“Yes, you did.” Carmilla snuggled closer. “And I’m glad you did. I guess my life will be a lot easier now. You know, without the luring girls in to become sacrifices for an unknown purpose, and without the fear of getting buried again for disobedience.”

“I’m glad, I could be of service.” Laura smiled and lifted Carmilla’s head off her lap, when they heard people talking and LaFontaine appeared at the door.

“Hey, we found them, They were just some doors away but we had to break the lock. They’re all fine, or as fine as you can be when you’ve been held captured for days and weeks, I guess.” They paused when they saw the two girls, Carmilla’s head still hold by Laura’s hands. They raised their brows. “Anyway, we can get out of here. Unless you want to stay.”

“Let’s go,” Laura agreed. “Can you walk?” she asked Carmilla.

“I think so,” she replied and got up. “But just in case…” She laid her arm around the smaller girl’s shoulders.

Laura laughed and placed hers around the vampire’s waist. “Don’t worry, I’ll get you to our room, save and in one piece.”

“Never doubted that, cupcake.”

LaFontaine stared at them. “Wow, seems like I missed a lot of stuff. How and when did you turn the snarky vampire into a tame kitten?”

“Are you sure those brain parasites died? I can’t really tell if there’s a difference between now and before that light went out.” Carmilla glared at them, but she couldn’t quite keep it up, when Laura got up on her toes and kissed her cheek, possibly to make her stop glaring.

 

The others had gone to their respective rooms after assuring Perry, that what they needed was to sleep, that they would not starve and that she could cook for them the next day. Betty stayed with Natalie, because technically, she had no room after it had been reassigned.

The first thing Carmilla did, when she and Laura entered their room, was to lock the door. “I don’t want one of your nosey friends disturb my sleep,” she said, as she slowly pushed Laura against the now locked door, her hands on her hips.

“I know you like them, especially LaF.” Laura replied and pulled her closer.

“Don’t tell.”

“Of course not.” Carmilla leaned in and felt Laura chuckle against her lips as they kissed.

 

Carmilla awoke, curled around Laura, their hands intertwined. The last 2 days felt like a dream, it was only not even 36 hours since she arrived at the sea, to start her more than hopeless mission. And now she was here, with that naïve, headstrong girl next to her, that had saved her just by refusing to give up.

Laura turned around and looked dozy at her. “Hey, you’re awake. I was up some time ago, but I didn’t want to wake you, so I slept a little bit longer. What?” she asked, as Carmilla just smiled.

“Nothing, I just never felt like this in 334 years. It’s a good thing,” she added when Laura looked alarmed. She kissed her and put her arms around her.

“Here at Silas you can never know,” Laura defended herself and leaned her head against Carmilla’s chest. “But you better get used to the feeling, because you won’t get rid of me that easy.”

“Good.”

“And about what I said in that basement about the future…”

Carmilla interrupted. “You don’t have to justify yourself, I know you said it to push me, to keep going. I don’t expect anything like that, really. I’m fine with here and now.”

Laura sat up and faced her. “Let me finish. You’re wrong, I did mean it, exactly as I said. Eternity. If you think you can bare me that long, of course.”

“You can’t be serious.”

“I am.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Then tell me. But it won’t change my mind.” Laura had that determined look on her face.

“I will. And then I’ll give you time to think about it, for some months. Or maybe years.” Carmilla shook her head in disbelief. “But I love you, too, cupcake.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was the end, I'm sorry, it turned out a little bit cheesy^^
> 
> Maybe I'll write a sequel about the baby-vampire Laura, that's something I think about... and thank you for reading :)


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